Face the Music
by The Writer Of Lucifenia
Summary: Sometimes, you have to slam into rock bottom to be able to ascend into greatness. Miyuji Shan was at the lowest point of her life when she decided it wasn't worth the effort to survive anymore, but thanks to the help of a kind stranger, she survived. When you can't descend any longer, you can only go up, and be the you that you want to be. I couldn't add Miyuji in the character tag
1. Chapter 1 - The Sound of Silence

**A/N - Hey, Y'all! So I'm back with a new Yandere Sim fic. I kinda fell in love with Miyuji Shan when I saw her in the game, and for some reason, she really captured my imagination. So I decided to write about her transformation. Yes, this does take place in the same universe as "The Escape", but you don't have to read it to understand what's going on. Also, there is a failed suicide attempt in this story, so read at your own discretion. Please leave feedback so I know what to work on later. Love y'all :)**

* * *

Face the Music

I stared at the blank chalk board in front of me from my seat in class. I found myself studying it for a while, even though there was nothing to look at but the remnants of white chalk that once explained today's lesson. I glanced down at my desk, which had long since been defaced. I wanted to fight it, but I was too exhausted to. How many years had it been of this torment? It wasn't going to stop, I couldn't do anything, and nobody would ever do anything to stop it. After a few moments of sulking I packed up my school bag, put in my earbuds, then stumbled out of class. I didn't bother looking back at Akademi as I left it; I didn't want to take that one last look many would. I didn't plan on returning.

Roads winded and turned, becoming a jumbled mess of people going about their lives with no regard for each other. Not that I could blame anyone. Everyone leads a separate life, but the communicationless crowd enforces the deep rooted loneliness I've found harder and harder to ignore. I stumbled along the sidewalk, keeping my eyes averted from the people around me. I didn't want them to see through me. I knew I was invisible, but sometimes I could feel people staring through my soul, like all the effort I put into acting fine was meaningless. They could tell. They knew how horrible I was. I could feel it in everyone recognizable. It made me sick to think of it all. I hurried up to get down to the subway, being careful not to bang my guitar case into anyone or anything. I wanted to play a few last songs before sleeping.

Once I was down in the subway, I found a quiet (by comparison) corner to curl up in. I set my bag down, pulled my guitar out of my case and began to play a familiar song I had been playing off and on for a few weeks.

"Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding, fall into your sunlight. The future's open wide, beyond believing, to know why hope dies. Losing what was found, a world so hollow, suspended in a compromise. The silence of this sound, is soon to follow. Somehow, sundown," I quietly sang to myself as I strummed my guitar, letting the strings slice at my sensitive thumb in the absence of my guitar pick. Soreness rang through my right thumb as I played, but I ignored it. It was worth the pain to hear some music, worth it even more to make it myself. As I disappeared further into my own mind into my music, the world ran around me at a never ending hustle. I blocked out the busy world and focused on the sweet vibrations of my old acoustic guitar. Truthfully, it had seen better days, but through the roughness we had been through together, it remained my faithful companion, and would until the end.

As I fell out of the alternate reality of my music, I gently tapped my palm to the strings to stop the sound suddenly. I gently set my guitar in its case and closed it for possibly the last time. Looking to my school bag, I felt confliction emotions course through me. Was I really going to do this?

Did I have a choice?

I reached into my bag and pulled out a mixed bottle of pills then a bottle of water. I stared at the two things in my hands for a moment before clearing my head and pouring a handful of pills into my palm. I wasn't really sure what all they were. I just mixed a bunch of different kinds I found in my mother's cabinet. I didn't particularly care what they were so long as the did their job. I choked back the handful of pills, took a swig of water, and swallowed them all in one painful gulp. I groaned a bit, regretting not just taking them one by one. I didn't want to chicken out and stop at one or two. I had to do it all at once so I couldn't change my mind last minute. It was done. I couldn't take it back, I couldn't be a coward and stop it again. I felt an odd sense of pride in that fact as I lied down next to my guitar, resting my head on my school bag as I watched the busy subway wave like the ocean, ripples of people passing by and shouting, yet whispering all at once. It was an incoherent jumble of images and sounds, but nothing seemed to fit together the more drowsy I got. I hoped that would be a good thing. As the world got blurrier and quieter, I tried to think back to some comforting chords strummed expertly by someone who knew what they were doing. I would love to hear someone play for me, but I will never hear such a thing. It wouldn't have to be romantic, in fact, I never imagined the shadow musician as a lover, but more as a dear friend, or a guardian. I wondered if I would meet that angel when I faded away, or if I was to disappear into nothing. I could go for either one. My last conscious thoughts were on a made up song in my head that lulled me off like a silent lullaby.

* * *

"Miss, can you hear me?"

Who was speaking? What was I hearing. God… My head… It hurt so horribly!

"Kid? Kid, can you hear me?"

My body felt cold on the concrete, and my uniform did little to protect me from the colder weather. I shivered a bit, then heard an odd groaning sound. Was that me? My stomach turned into several knots and throbbed against its prison cell in rage, erasing all other thoughts from my mind. I jolted into full consciousness as I puked my guts up, and consequentially, lots of pills. Shit.

I weakly opened my eyes to see a man in a suit knelt beside me. He was tall with shaggy black hair but was easily in his early forties. He had brown eyes, which seemed to reflect worry. The man seemed to be supporting me on my side, his hand on my wrist as if to take my pulse. I briefly wondered how he knew something was wrong among the massive crowd of people always in the subway, but I decided not to think too much on it… or anything at that moment because my head was hurting like a bitch! I whimpered in misery as I finally got myself to stop throwing up. He gently wiped my face with a napkin then offered me some water. I weakly accepted what I was given, but the smell of vomit penetrated my nose only to make me feel sick again.

"I'm going to move you, ok, Miss?" he said quietly. I nodded in agreement as he lifted me up and moved me away from the mess. We moved a little farther away, just far enough to get away from that horrible smell. He set me down on my side then ran to get our things and bring them back. He knelt back down next to me and took my pulse once more before offering me more water.

"Can I go back to sleep?" I asked weakly in exhaustion.

"No, you need to stay awake until the symptoms pass." He said as he pulled out his phone. Realizing he might be trying to send me to a hospital, I reached up and set my hand on the phone.

"P-Please don't make me go to the hospital."

"You were overdosing, Miss, a hospital visit is in order."

"But I'm getting better… Please, just let me wait it out. I don't want to be kept in the hospital, it'll just make everything worse. I'm sorry, just please, please don't make me go."

He contemplated my request for a moment before sighing, "Ok, but if your condition worsens, you're going to the hospital right away. Got it?"

"Ok… I'm sorry."

We sat in silence for a while as the symptoms cleared up. I kept sipping water to ease my stomach and headache. It helped my tummy, my head, not so much. The man insisted I stay on my side for at least thirty minutes, despite the symptoms dying down. I didn't protest it, I wasn't feeling up for walking or even sitting up. As my body started to return to normal, or, as normal as possible for that moment, I noticed that the subway had cleared out a lot. Now there was only a few stragglers rather than the massive sea of people that had been there when I arrived. I wondered how long I had been asleep. I didn't bother to check the time before I took the pills, and I wasn't too concerned with it at that moment either. I looked up at the man who was helping me but decided to stay quiet. I wondered why he had stopped to help me out. By the looks of it, he was either heading to or coming home from a business trip. He was in a nice suit, or, it would've been before I barfed on him and before he got on the ground to help. He also had a suitcase with him, along with a carry on bag that looked like it would have work supplies inside. I just hoped I wasn't causing him to miss a flight.

"Are you starting to feel better?" He asked as he turned off his cell phone and set it in his pocket.

"I feel like hell, but less like hell than I did earlier," I replied.

"Well, at least you're starting to recover. Are you well enough to stand? Do you need help getting home?"

I was quiet for a moment, briefly thinking about home, which wasn't any better than school. I shook my head, "I can't go home today. I'm just going to camp out here until school tomorrow."

"Alone in the subway? That's very dangerous," he inquired with a concerned expression.

"I'll manage, it'll be ok."

"You can sleep here, but I'm stay with you to make sure you're safe, Kid." The man sighed and opened up his suit case. He pulled out a pillow and blanket, then offered them to me. I stared at them blankly for a moment, unsure of if I should accept. "It's ok, I'm not here to hurt you."

"Um… Ok, thanks. I'm sorry." I accepted the pillow and set it under my head on the cold concrete. He draped the blanket over me then opened another bottle of water since I had almost finished the first one. It was odd, normally I wouldn't say more than two words to a stranger, yet here I was in the company of one, feeling more comfortable than I had in a long time. "Can I ask your name?"

"I'm Hisato Aishi, what about you?"

"Um, I'm Miyuji Shan… it's uh, nice to meet you, sorry for the weird circumstances."

"I'm just glad whatever you took was obviously not that strong or you might not be alive right now. I have no idea how long you were unconscious."

"… Why'd you help me?" I asked after some hesitation. I needed to know… I needed to know why anyone would come help _me_ of all people.

Hisato gave me a puzzled look before replying, "You were too still and were starting to vomit in your sleep, which can be extremely dangerous. I used to be a paramedic before my wife made me switch jobs."

"But why would you help _me_? I'm not worth a second glance, why would you get your suit all dirty and waste a bunch of time to help me?" I asked as my whole body convulsed in a fit of trembling I had found all too common those days. I hugged the pillow a little tighter as I shivered, desperately wanting to escape myself. Hisato sighed and tucked the blanket around me closer to try to keep me from shivering so much. My shivering was probably really annoying. I'd be annoyed with me being weird like that too.

"You needed help so I helped you. Why would I leave a little girl to die in the cold like that?"

"Because I'm not going anywhere anyways. Nobody would even care if I died tonight, I doubt anyone would even notice if I was gone. I'm just a burden on everyone, and I annoy everyone, and I don't have any talent, I'm stupid, and I don't have any friends and and and," I couldn't finish talking. The more I spoke, the more choked up I got. By this point I was just blowing it out like a baby, sobbing and sniffling uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey, it's ok, Kid. I doubt any of that is true," he assured, gently patting my back.

"It's all true, I swear!"

"You're wearing an Akademi uniform. Just getting into that that school means that you're very intelligent, talented, or athletic. They're extremely picky about their students," He explained calmly. "And even if you weren't any of those things, it wouldn't make you any less important."

"Nobody cares about me, it wouldn't matter still!"

"I care about you, and I've just met you. I care if you survive tonight, and I know that there is someone else who does too. Just think about it, think about someone you know that needs you."

Honestly, I wasn't sure. I used to have friends, but by then, all of them had abandoned me. I sniffled and clung to my pillow, going over all the faces I see every day. My parents wouldn't care, they don't even like me, I have no friends… I guess those crazy bitches would miss having someone to torment constantly, but otherwise… Um…. Maybe Mr. Jazzy Feet? Fuck it, that's all I could think of.

"Um… Mr. Jazzy Feet."

"Huh?"

"Um… He's a turtle in my club at school… Every day I share some fruit with him… His favorite fruit is strawberries. Sometimes if I let him out of the tank to sit with me, he'll waddle over and steal a strawberry from me," I chuckled a little at the thought of that little turtle. He always brightened my day somehow, even though he was just a little turtle who probably didn't even care that much about me unless food is involved.

"And who would give Mr. Jazzy Feet strawberries if you weren't around?" Hisato asked.

"Um… I don't know…"

"Even if it's just for him, you should keep surviving… I understand how hard it is. I've been where you are, I've tried to end my life too, but we have to keep surviving, because there's someone who needs us to keep living."

"But the only pers-… Only a turtle needs me…"

"For now, but soon there will be a person that needs you. Maybe someone already does and you just don't know it yet," he said quietly. "Before my daughter was born, I saw no point in living… But I can't leave her, so I have to keep fighting for her. She saved my life, and continues to. I'm sure soon, you'll find someone who makes you want to keep living. Someone, something, there'll will be something in your life soon that makes surviving worth it in the end. I know you don't believe it now, I wouldn't either, but I want you to know that it's true, even if right now, it feels like a lie."

"But what if the person I am isn't worth keeping around?" I asked nervously. "I hate myself. There's nothing about me that I like."

"Then be the you that you want to be. Be who you want to be until you love yourself, and don't let anyone take away your identity. Be you while you still can, and don't compromise. If you want to do something, be something, do it. I know it's easier said than done, but I know you can do it."

I continued to cling to the pillow, contemplating who I would want to be if I could choose. What about myself can I control? What can I truly be if I try? I looked up at Hisato then back at the ground in defeat. I wanted to do what he said, but I didn't know how to change myself. Was it even possible? What if I was just destined to be a miserable person, or was destiny irrelevant? What would I do if I could change my fate? Would I make destiny my bitch?

"I… I guess if I survived anyways… it's… it's worth I try."

He smiled and pat my shoulder, "Good. I'm proud of you for being strong."

"Is… Is continuing to live really strong? People do it every day."

"It is when life has fucked you over… Uh, sorry, excuse the language."

I chuckled, "Shit, man, you don't have to worry about it. I just… Nobody's ever called me strong before… or said that they were proud of me. I've always just been a disappointment… Nobody's ever been proud of me." I felt tears start to roll down my cheeks again. Great, I had just gotten myself to calm down a bit.

"People will be. I expect to hear your name again someday, ok, Miyuji?"

"I… I'll try not to let you down, Mr. Aishi… Thanks for everything," I said as I hugged his arm, then let go to hug the pillow again.

He nodded, "It's no problem. Mind if I play your guitar?"

"Yeah, go ahead." I murmured tiredly as I felt a yawn coming on. He said a thanks and began to play the guitar.

"Hello darkness, my old friend  
I've come to talk with you again  
Because a vision softly creeping  
Left its seeds while I was sleeping  
And the vision that was planted in my brain  
Still remains  
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone  
Narrow streets of cobblestone  
'Neath the halo of a street lamp  
I turned my collar to the cold and damp  
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light  
That split the night  
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw  
Ten thousand people, maybe more  
People talking without speaking  
People hearing without listening  
People writing songs that voices never share  
And no one dared  
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools, " said I, "You do not know  
Silence, like a cancer, grows  
Hear my words that I might teach you  
Take my arms that I might reach you"  
But my words, like silent raindrops fell  
And echoed in the wells, of silence

And the people bowed and prayed  
To the neon god they made  
And the sign flashed out its warning  
In the words that it was forming  
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls  
And tenement halls"  
And whispered in the sounds of silence"

* * *

The next morning, I woke up to the loud sounds of people getting on the subway during the morning rush. I yawned and sat up, checking my unfamiliar surroundings. I remembered what had happened the night before and folded the blanket before looking to Hisato, who was struggling to keep his eyes open. My guitar was back in its case and beside my bag was a small convenience store bag. When I peeked inside, there was a cup of spicy noodles, some strawberry poky, and fresh strawberries along with some extra cash.

"Is this for me?" I asked.

"Yeah, so you don't have to run back home for lunch. You should get going to school before it gets too late so you have time to freshen up before class," Hisato said as he packed his suitcase up once more. "I need to be getting home myself." He stood up and smiled a little at me. I stood up too and threw my arms around him.

"Thank you so much for everything," I mumbled as I clung to the stranger for a moment. He hugged me back for a moment.

"There's no need to thank me, Kid. Just go out there and keep fighting, ok?"

"Will I ever see you again?" I asked.

He was quiet for a moment, "I'm afraid it's unlikely, but I'll hear about you when you accomplish something great, ok?"

I frowned a little…. I wasn't sure what I expected. Why would I random stranger old enough to be my dad continue to hang out with me… It'd look super weird I guess. Though in a way, he was more of a dad to me in a single night than my actual father has been in sixteen years. I guess I just liked that feeling for once. I dried my eyes and nodded.

"I understand… Just, thank you. And keep doing a good job with your daughter. She's really lucky to have you."

"Thank you. Don't forget that your family is lucky to have you too, Miyuji," Hisato smiled sadly at me as he let go of me. "Go make everyone proud, Kid. You got me routing for you, don't forget that, ok?"

"Ok. I won't forget you, Mr. Aishi."

"And I won't forget you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I took a deep breath before picking up my school bag, lunch bag, and guitar case. I smiled to him and waved, "I'm off to school then. See you around."

"Goodbye, Kiddo." He waved back before pulling out his phone, which was having a seizure. As I walked away, I heard him tell someone, I guess his wife, that he couldn't call her because his phone died during a delayed flight that kept him away all night. I couldn't blame him, most people would assume the worst if he just said he spent the night talking to some teenage girl in the subway. I pushed that thought out of my mind and made my way to school, thinking about what I wanted to be. Who did I want to be?

* * *

I spent the whole day at school contemplating who I wanted to be. I thought about everything I admired, everything I fantasized about being, and one thing stood out among everything else. Rockstar. I couldn't exactly just magically become a rocker type overnight… Though truth be told, I was already obsessed with rock music and had been my whole life… plus I play and sing on my free time… Maybe all that I really have to do is look the part and pretend to have the confidence idols practically secrete. I already pretend to be ok every day… I can do this. The idea was locked into my head. I would become a rocker chick for real by the next day.

After school, I raced to the mall to make my new attitude from a new look. I bought all kinds of punk looking clothes, accessories, and makeup. I then grabbed the crown jewels of my transformation; strawberry red hair dye and some piercings along with a diy machine for it that was cheaper than getting it done at the shady parlor down the road. I knew it'd probably hurt like a motherfucker, but it had to be done. I headed home once all my money was spent, practicing walking with my head up so I could see the world around me beyond the ground for once. I felt self conscious as fuck letting people get a clear view of my face, but I fought through the fear. I had to pretend it didn't exist. I kept this up until I got home, where I locked myself in my bathroom to complete the physical transformation with scissors, the dye, and the piercings.

After I was satisfied with my look, I went to my room to play my guitar until bed.

"Tomorrow, I'm going to be the Miyuji I want to be. There're holes in my face, my hair is cut and dyed, I tossed out my old stockings, I can't chicken out of this. I'm gonna be different tomorrow," I said to myself to calm the anxiety setting in. I'd need to get better at pretending it didn't exist. I would be the person I wanted to be started that day forward.


	2. Chapter 2 - No Need to Cry

Chapter 2 – No Need to Cry

I woke up the next morning to the usual noise of the neighborhood springing to life around me. Mom was screaming about something, the obnoxious birds outside were fighting, trying to knock each other out of the tree, and someone's car alarm was going off outside. I groaned and checked the time to see if I could spare a few extra minutes under the covers, but low and behold, nope, I was running late… That should've been incentive to hurry my candy ass up out of bed, but nope! I lied there for a few minutes anyways before rolling out of bed. I stumbled to my bathroom tiredly, regretting having spent so long awake last night, panicking about the fact that, oh shit, I chopped up my hair and dyed it, holy shit, I can't back out of this, I'm fucking dead, holy shit! Yeah, looking in the mirror that morning didn't exactly sooth my anxiety. I did find that I actually saved a lot of time with short hair. Normally it'd take a few minutes to brush my hair, but with it short, I barely had to do shit. I ran a straightener through it, and it didn't take an eternity. Honestly, I was amazed.

I applied some makeup for the first time since middle school. With that in mind, I don't think I did too shabby… maybe I should've held off on black lipstick and thick eyeliner until I got the hang of it, but fuck it, I was running late and I needed to hurry up and get ready. I slipped on some new stockings before getting my shoes, my school bag, my guitar, and taking off to the kitchen. I cringed a little at the sight of burnt up spoons in the sink and the smell of takeout that had been left to rot for who knows how long. I never really could get used to how dirty the kitchen always was. It felt like every time I'd scrub the counter clean, it'd just get worse by than the way it was before by the time I get home. It's a bit discouraging to be the only one who gives a shit about the cleanliness of the house, so I slowly stopped bothering. I grabbed a pop-tart from the box on top of the fridge, filled up my water bottle, the made my way out of the house unnoticed. I didn't bother to say goodbye, I knew my mother probably wouldn't give a fuck either way.

* * *

The air was chilly as I made my way down to the train station, struggling to carry everything in my arms as I ran. I felt as though my heart was going to burst out of my chest as fought my way to the subway, squeezing between people and jumping over shit all badass like to try to get there in time. I pushed past several people down the escalators, running for dear life as my train abandoned me!

"NO WAIT, COME BACK!" I screamed and tried to run after the train, but it went about as well as you'd expect. In my rush, I quite literally ran into another girl in an Akademi uniform. The girl had blue and green hair that was pulled up into a ponytail and tear filled green eyes.

"It left us!" She cried out.

"I know, we have to run!" I jumped up and offered her a hand up. My heart was racing, holy shit, I was talking to someone, I was running late, who was this girl? Did I care? Nope, I needed to run, we needed to run, oh my god my lungs burn. I happened to realize that I was running back out of the station to the street, practically dragging the poor girl with me. I yelped and let go of her hand. "Shit, sorry, I panicked."

"It's ok," she replied with an exhausted pant as we came to a stop at a corner. "I'm Beshi, what's your name?"

"Miyuji. Nice to meet you… Sorry for it being kinda weird though," I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. Well, my first social interaction since chopping my hair off was going just swimmingly… Though in a way, this was the most I had ever spoken to a classmate that I didn't already know since… Since middle school maybe? Like the first year of middle school I guess. Shit, maybe I wasn't doing to horribly considering I was just then beginning to realize how absolutely fucking terrified I was someone help me! I didn't have time to process that though, as a van pulled up to the curb. A girl in an Akademi high uniform opened the back of the van.

"Quick, get in, we can give you a ride!" she yelled at us from the back. Beshi quirked an eyebrow.

"Do you ACTUALLY have free candy this time?"

The other girl looked confused and slightly annoyed, "What?"

"Well it's like they say, fool me five times, shame on you, but fool me a sixth time, shame on me," Beshi explained with a goofy grin on her face. The girl narrowed her purple eyes at Beshi before looking slightly concerned.

"Shit, who cares about the candy, we need the ride," I shrugged and climbed into the back of the van, which was blaring the Dropkick Murphy's. Not exactly discreet… I think we'll be fine. Beshi giggled and joined me in the back.

"Ok, I'll follow you then!"

As soon as Beshi climbed into the van, the other girl slammed the doors shut and the guy driving pealed out so fast you could practically smell the rubber burning on the road with an ear piercing squeal that could somehow be heard over the loud music. We continued heading down the road at some high speed I didn't even want to guess… Mostly because I was hyperventilating from having to talk to so many strangers so quickly. The girl was busily doing her makeup in a little hand mirror while Beshi was dancing around to the music and shaking a bag of rice around for some reason.

"So, who are you two? I don't think we've met," the girl asked after finishing her mascara.

"I'm Beshi, and this is Miyuji-chan," she said with a smiled. I was nibbling on my poptart to try to calm down. Shit, I needed to be polite and say something. What do you say to someone you randomly hopped into a van with? Um, shit, think think think, uh. Fuck, just say anything! Anything? YES!

"Uh, nice to meet you, I like your uh, makeup," I fumbled over my words in a desperate attempt to sound cool. I was failing.

"Thanks, I like your hair. I'm Kiba by the way." She said as she was applying some lipstick… Just as we ran right into a speed bump. Kiba growled, "Akio! Warn me next time!"

"Gee, sorry, Princess, however will we repay you?" The driver asked snarkily. Kiba stuck out her tongue then crossed her arms in irritation before cleaning her face and starting over on her lips. Beshi giggled a little and I awkwardly continued to eat my poptart until we arrived at the school.

* * *

When we did arrive at Akademi, we practically jumped out of the moving van to run out to the school. I didn't even bother checking how much time I had left, I had to run, I wasn't going to let anything get in the way. I quickly slipped on my school shoes before taking off towards the Light Music clubroom.

"Thanks for the ride, nice to meet you, gotta go, bye!" I yelled as I took off. I was determined to get there even if it was the last thing I did. As I darted through the halls as fast as I could, I heard people whispering, asking each other who I was and if I even went to their school. Normally those whispers would bother me, but I couldn't bring myself to care at that moment. I was girl on a mission, and I wasn't about to fail! I had to run like my life depended on it. When I finally got to the clubroom, Gita, the club leader, was about to leave.

"W-Wait! I need to talk to you for like, two minutes, please just hear me out!" I cried out, feeling rather desperate after the fiasco of getting there. My lungs were burning from running and the muscles in my legs didn't fair any better. Honestly, I'm not sure how I managed to not just pass out right there.

Gita stared at me with a confused expression before nodded and taking a seat on the sofa facing the chalkboard. I stumbled over to her and sat down next to her, taking a moment to try to catch my breath. What was I even doing?! The more I thought about what I was about to ask, the more I just wanted to run and hide, but I fought back all those feelings, every fiber of my being that told me to run, I fought them all. I wasn't about to hide this time! She worriedly set her hand on my shoulder, "Miyuji, are you alright? What happened, are you ok? Do you need to go to the nurse?"

"N-No, I nee-need to to talk to you though," I managed to stutter out before taking a final deep breath. "I-want-to-start-a-band; will-you-please- help-me?" I blurted out in one loud, jumbled breath. I sincerely hoped that she was able to understand me so I wouldn't have to try to say it again. This first day was truly going stellar… I wondered if it was even possible to just change like I had planned. My hands were trembling from nerves and I wasn't displaying the confidence I had imagined my new persona having… I guess it's a little harder to pretend to be a completely different person than I thought it would be.

"I think that's a great idea," Gita said with a smile. "What made you decide this? Does this have anything to do with the new look?"

I nodded and hugged my knees, "Yeah, this switch isn't going as smoothly as I hoped though… I just… I've been so miserable for years, and music is the only thing that's ever made me happy. I love playing and singing, and I want to start a band. I have for years, but this is the first time I've ever actually tried. I know it's a big request, but you're the only person I would consider a friend and you understand all this stuff way more than me.

She giggled, "You know, I knew this day would come, but I didn't expect it to be today."

"Uh… You KNEW I would chop off my hair, pierce myself, and run in like a maniac begging you to help me start a band?"

"Well, I didn't predict the new look, but I could tell you've been itching to actually participate for once," Gita grinned and poked my shoulder. "I'm just so happy that you're trying to come out of your shell. You've been hiding for the last two years, it's honestly had me worried."

"What can I say, I'm part turtle," I shrugged and leaned back into the sofa, breathing a sigh of relief. That conversation had gone over a lot smoother than I had initially expected. I could've sworn that it was going to explode into something horrible, or at the very least she'd laugh at me… But now that I think on it more, Gita has never done anything like that. She's always been really friendly to me and everyone else. Honestly, I always admired that about her. She just had a way with people that I never did. I had always wanted to talk to her more, but I was always too shy to say more than a few words at a time. Being able to even make a joke around someone felt… Foreign, but amazing. I looked over to Gita, curious to what her reaction was. She was giggling and reaching for her book bag.

"You know, I think we can make a punk out of you after all, Miyuji-chan. We should get to class now, but how about you come over to my house tonight? We can discuss the band more and work on your attitude."

"Y-Yeah, that'd be great, thanks… OH shit, class!" I jumped out of my seat and grabbed my belongings. "Uh, thank you, Gita-chan, you're a life saver, I'll see you at lunch, I'm sorry for making you late!"

She laughed and began strolling off to class with me, "Honestly, this was way more important to me, I'd rather ditch and hang out more."

"I mean… Maybe we could ditch…" I thought aloud, then quickly covered my mouth. "Shit, sorry, that was a stupid thought."

"Really? Cause I'm totally down if you wanna be my partner in crime." She stood in the doorway of the music room, her dark green eyes shimmering with mischief. I was a bit dumbstruck but managed to shake my focus back to the task at hand. I had never skipped class in my life, at least, I've never done so without having been actually sick or hurt. I kinda wondered what it would be like to just… Do something I wasn't supposed to, just because. This was my opportunity to do it with one of the coolest people I knew. I nodded and grinned back to her.

"Fuck it, let's just hang out in this room all day. We can jam, or talk, or just play with the turtle. I brought his favorite snack," I said as I held up my lunch bag. Gita walked back into the room and closed the door quietly behind her with a mischievous giggle.

"Ok, so what kind of music are you thinking for the band? I can play pretty much everything, so I'm all ears."

I walked over to Mr. Jazzy Feet's tank and offered him a strawberry, which he promptly accepted. "Well, I was wanting to do rock music."

"I assumed that was the case, but I just wanted to check.," Gita said as she scribbled something down in her notebook. "I'm assuming you want to practice here where we have a lot of resources for the time being."

"Uh… Shit, I didn't exactly think about that…Would the club be ok with us practicing here?" I asked as I felt my heart stop and fall to the pit of my stomach. I really should have thought about this more before I went trying to make it happen. Still, I had become attached to the idea of a band, and this was the only place I could think of to practice. I couldn't exactly have anyone over at my apartment because of my mom and there wasn't really space for band equipment anyways. We didn't even have a garage to use. I bit my lip, trying to keep it together, but the more I thought about how unprepared I was to do anything, the more defeated I felt.

"I mean, truth be told, we don't really do a lot. You know that, I don't think it should be a problem."

"I hope not… I can't think of anywhere else to practice."

Gita and I were both quiet for a moment. I tried to focus my thoughts away from the predicament and focus on how cute the turtle was when he swam up to the glass to greet me every time I walked into the music room. It at the very least brought a smile to my face, which was honestly a victory considering I had quite literally almost died two days prior. The silence was suddenly broken.

"Wait, Miyuji, what if you took control of the Light Music Club? If you were president, you could officially switch the club over to rock music, and it wouldn't be a conflict of interest having two different bands perform in the same room."

I shook my head, "Uh, I don't think I should be a club leader, I can barely talk to you without feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack, I can't lead a bunch of people, and everyone signed up for gentle music, not rock music, what will they think if we just switch it on them?" OH MY GOD I'M IN WAY OVER MY HEAD!

"I established this club on a whim so I had a place to hang out with friends. We just happened to sometimes play music when we got bored. You actually want to do something, so you should have the resources. I can always just get my friends to hang out with me somewhere else," Gita explained as she leaned against the piano. "Look, Miyuji, I don't know why you suddenly decided to do this, but I believe in this band. I've heard you practicing when you think nobody's paying attention, and you're really skilled. That shouldn't go to waste."

"You… heard me…?"

"Why do you think I was always trying to get all up in your space? I like you, you have talent, I wanted to hear you play and sing, that's why I was always sneaking up on you, because if I'd just walk up to you, you'd go hide like a mouse or a turtle or something."

I awkwardly sat down on the floor next to Mr. Jazzy Feet's tank, where I almost always sat. "You really think that?"

"Of course, I think that, why would I lie?" Gita asked as she joined me on the floor, carrying two guitars with her. She handed one to me and took the other one in her arms with care. I took my guitar and quietly began to play a familiar song. Gita recognized it and began to play along with me.

"Travel to the moon, as the dream you weave slowly comes to life. Only you by my side as we laugh and as we dance under the fragile starlight," I quietly began to sing as I played, trying to stay calm despite the fact that I wasn't alone. Gita smiled to me and began to sing as well.

"Someday we will find the missing piece so long forgotten. Maybe then we can smile again."

"Please understand, I'm here, waiting for you, even if destiny lies to you and I. I'm here, waiting for you, and I'll be calling your name. I bet if I reach out and I pull on the string linking you and I, that girl I used to be would open up her eyes. No need to cry," I concluded the chorus and stopped strumming my guitar. I kept my eyes down at the floor as I held my guitar close to me, unsure of if I could really do this in front of other people.

"You're really talented, Miyuji. You just need the confidence, that's all," Gita said as she put her arm around my shoulders. "We can work on that together, ok?"

"O-Ok. Thanks, Gita."

"No problem."

We spent the rest of our time sitting in the clubroom playing music, talking, and goofing off. It was the first time I ever started to feel confidence for real.


End file.
